Know Your Stars HP style!
by Darkest Midnights
Summary: Hi!The announcer is back and he's torturing our beloved characters!Please Read and Review!Warning:Has alot of swear words!You'll love this story!
1. Harry Potter

Know Your Stars: Harry Potter style!

I don't own Harry Potter!

Victim:Harry James Potter

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Announcer: Know your stars...Know your stars...Know your stars...Know your stars..

Harry Potter...He has wet dreams about Voldemort in a silver and red bikini!(OMFG!)

Harry: No,I don't! I'm not gay!(blushes)

Announcer: Your blushing!

Voldemort stands up from the audience.

Voldemort: Potter,you're so fuckin' gay!

Announcer: Harry Potter has pictures of Draco Malfoy in the shower and likes to kiss the pictures!

Harry: Ok.Who the hell are you?And no I don't!(blushes)

Announcer: Your blushing again!

Malfoy: Potter,What the fuck is wrong with you?

Harry pulls out wand.

Harry:AVADA KEDAVRA!

Nothing happens.

Harry: What the hell?!

Announcer: I replaced your wand with a black twizzler (whatever).

Harry: You suck.

Announcer: Harry Potter likes to stare at Cho Chang butt and compare to Hermiones'.

Harry: No,i don-----

Cho and Hermione walked up to Harry and slapped him.

Hermione kicked him in the stomach.

Announcer: That had to hurt...Harry Potter loves Draco Malfoy and Viktor Krum.

Harry: I don't love that ugly son of a dog or that bastard.

Hermione: Don't call Viktor a bastard!

Announcer:Now you know Harry Potter.

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Please Review!!!!Next is Ron Weasley!!!!!!!NO FLAMES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE 'THE LIGHT' EARLY!!!


	2. Ron Weasley

Know your stars:Harry Potter style!

I don't own Harry Potter!

Chapter 2

Victim:Ron Weasley

Announcer: Know...Oh fuck that line.Ron has a pot of gold with him!

Ron: I'm no fuck Leprechaun!

Announcer: Ron loves to follow the butterflies.

Ron: No,I don't!

Announcer: Ron loves spiders.

Ron: No,I'm afraid of them.

Announcer: I have to make a phone call.

Rons phone rings.

Ron: Hello?

Announcer: Hello,i'm looking for: First name: I'ma.Middle name:fuckin' wimpy.Last name: Leprechaun.

Ron: Hello,I'm a fuckin' wimpy Leprechaun.Hey!Wait a second!

Announcer: Ron's a wimp.

Ron: That's not true.

Announcer: Yes,you are.

Ron pouts.

Announcer: I kill wimpy Leprechauns.

A gun shot is heard.

Ron runs at the speed of light.

He tried to open the door,but it was locked.

Now you know Ron.

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Next is Hermione.Any suggegtions for the next chapter?Please Review!


	3. Hermione Granger

Know your stars:Harry Potter style!

I don't own Harry Potter!!!

Victim:Hermione Granger!

Announcer: Know...Oh screw that line!Hermione cheated on Viktor Krum to be with Draco Malfoy!!!

Hermione: No,I didn't!!!

Announcer:Yeah,you're right...

Hermione: Thank you.

Announcer:...You cheated on Malfoy to be with Ron!

Hermione: No I didn't!!!!

Announcer: Hermione has wet dreams about Ron in four-leaf clover breifs!!!!!

Hermione: OMFDG!!!!NO I DON'T!!!!!

Announcer: Hermione is plotting to kill Ron with Malfoy!!!!

Hermione: I wouldn't!!!(whispers in walkie talkie)Malfoy the secret is out code:green.

Announcer: Hermione's a bitch!

Hermione: No I'm not!!!!!

Announcer: Hermione is currently sleeping with Malfoy!!!

Hermione: WHY WOULD I SLEEP WITH THAT JERK?!

Announcer: Hermione also sleeps with Ron,Harry,and DUMBLEDORE!!!!

Hermione: WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!

Announcer: Hermione hates the D.A. (Dumbledores Army)!!!

Hermione: If I hated it,why would I join it?!

Announcer: Because your planning to destroy it!!!!!!

Hermione: (nerviously) No I'm not!!!(Whispers in walkie talkie)Malfoy our other secret is out!!!Code:Red!!!!!

Announcer: What was that?

Hermione: Nothing!!!

Announcer: Hermione just killed Harry!!

Hermione: WHAT?!

Announcer: Hermione is about to be attacked by Harry's fangirls!!!

Hermione: WHAT?!

HFG:SHE KILLED HARRY!!!LET'S GET HER!!!!

Hermione is attacked.

Hermione: Ouch!That hurt!

Announcer: Now you know Hermione Granger!

Hermione: NO THEY DON'T,GET BACK HERE!!!!!

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Next is Cho Chang!!Please Review!!!!!!


	4. Cho Chang

Know your stars: HP style!

I don't own Harry Potter or Know your stars!

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Victim:Cho Chang!

Announcer:Know your stars...Know your stars...know your stars...know your stars...Cho is ugly.

Cho: I'm pretty!

Announcer:Cho...cheated on Cedric to be with Harry.Who cheated on her to be with Ron.Who cheated on him to be with Hermione.Who cheated on him to be with Viktor.Who cheated on her to be with Cedric.Who cheated on him to be with Cho.

Cho: That doesn't make any sense!

Announcer: Cho...Is a drama queen.

Cho: I am not!

Announcer: Cho sleeps with Hermione.

Cho: No I don't!

Announcer: Cho is mainly a chicken.

Cho: What is that supposed to mean?

Announcer: Cho is part chicken, cow, and puppet.

Cho: I AM NOT!

Announcer: Cho has had nose jobs since the day she was born.

Cho: That's not true.

Announcer: Cho is full chocolate.

Cho: What?!

Announcer: Cho never knew that she died in a chocolate hershey's parade.

Cho: I never died!

Announcer: Cho is in denial about her death.

Cho: I never died and I'm not in denial.

Announcer: Now you know Cho chang.

Cho: They don't know me!

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Tell me who you want next! Please Review!


	5. Draco Malfoy

Know your stars: Hp style!

I don't own Harry Potter!

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The votes came in!

Sirius: 1

Malfoy: 2

Moody: 1

James and Lily: 1

So I guess Draco Malfoy is the Victim.

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Victim: Draco Malfoy.

Announcer: Know your stars ... Know your stars... Know your stars... Know your stars... Draco Malfoy... his real name is Denial Potter.

Draco: What?! 

Announcer: Denial Potter... didn't know he died in a parade when he dressed as a sun with a scoop of raisons and got eatten by some kid.

Draco: It's Malfoy and I never died!

Announcer: Draco Malfoy... is in denial about his name and his death.

Draco: ...

Announcer: Draco Malfoy... never knew his parents were hobo's.

Draco: That's a lie!

Announcer: There are so many things your parents hid from you, like the fact that when before they were hobos that they were hippies.

Draco: That's not true!

Announcer: Denial Potter stop being in denial, it's scaring the crap out of everything and or everyone.

Draco: I'm not in denial!

Announcer: That's what they all say.Draco Malfoy...cheated on Pansy to be with Hermione.

Draco: I would never get together with that mudblood!

Announcer: One more piece of denial and I'm sending you to the 'Denial House'.

Draco: I'm not in denial! 

Announcer: (gets phone) Hello, I have a boy here who is in terrible denial.

The Denial Police come and get Draco Malfoy away.

Announcer: Now you know...Draco Malfoy.

Draco: They don't know me!

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Please review! Tell me who you want!


	6. Snape

Know Your Stars: HP style!

I don't own Harry Potter!  
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Victim: Snape!

_Know your stars... Know your stars... Know your stars... Know your stars... _

Snape: Who are you? Where are you? Are you a student? 

_I'm the announcer. I can't tell you where I am, because you can find me after you leave. The door that says 'Announcer Person' is the room I am in, which has a red door. But you can't find it... (laughs) _

Snape: You want to bet? 

_Sure... I you find it... I will stop doing this. If you don't, you have to say 'I'm gay, I smell like a toilet, I sleep with Dumbledore, and Harry Potter is my boyfriend' and I have to torment you for your turn..._

Snape: Deal.

Snape leaves to find the announcer. Snape looks around the whole building, but didn't find the announcer. Snape went back inside the room with the chair and piano.

Snape: You dirty liar! I looked around the whole building! There was no door with the 'Announcer Person' sign on it!

_Do you remember the bet? _

Snape: Crap... 

Snape goes to Hogwarts.

Snape: (loudly) I'm gay, I smell like a toilet, I sleep with Dumbledore, and Harry Potter is my boyfriend!!!

Students: (gasps then laughs)

Snape goes back to the Know Your Stars room.

Snape: Happy? I'm the laughing-stock of the whole school!

_Yes... Now for the torment... Snape has a big nose. _

Snape: No I don't! 

_Snape... is in denial about having a big nose._

Snape: What the hell?!

_Snape... wants to marry Harry Potter. _

Snape: What?! 

_Snape... is getting married to Harry Potter this Saturday. _

Snape: Why would I get married to that freak?! 

_I need to plan the cake. Snape, what kind of cake do you want? Chocolate or vanilla? _

Snape: I'm not getting married. 

_I'll order vanilla. Snape, which dress do you want? Short or long and flowing?_

Snape: I don't wear dresses!

_I'll put down... short with loads of ruffles, laces, bows, glitter, and diamonds!_

Snape: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhh!!

_You just gave me an idea... Do you want a pirate hat, tiara, or a crown with a peg leg or white fishnet stockings? (He's really trying not to laugh.)_

Snape: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!

_I'll put down... a tiara and white fishnet stockings... Now back to the torture... Snape... is half robot, half crunchy peanut butter, and half jelly of all kinds._

Snape: I'm half wizard and half muggle!

_Ok... back to the marrige... what color dress do you want?_

Snape: I told you I'm not getting married!

_I'll put black and silver. The wedding will be in... the next chapter... so I better get the cake and gifts tonight..._

Snape: I told you I'm not getting married!

_Now you know... Snape... who is getting married to Harry Potter in the next chapter..._

Snape: They don't know me!

_Yes they do..._

_

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_**Tell me who you want next! Please review! Oh and sorry for not updating... I have been sick with a fever and I still have it...  
Other than that, Please review!**


	7. Dumbledore and Mcgonagall

Know Your Stars: HP Style!

I don't own Harry Potter!

Ok. This is the chapter for Snape's wedding with Harry Potter. I am going to do two people in this chapter!!!!!!!! Mcgonagall and Dumbledore!!!!!!!!! Enjoy!!!!!!!!

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_Do you, Harry, take Snape as your wife? _

Harry: (Has duck tape on his mouth and mumbles something) 

_I'll take that as a 'Yes, I do'. Do you, Snape, take Harry Potter as your husband? _

Snape: (Also has tape on his mouth and mumbles something) 

_I'll take that as a 'Yes, I do'. I now announce you as man and wife. _

Snape and Harry: (Gets tape teared off) WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

_You didn't say no. Now leave so I can torture. _

Harry and Snape leave as Dumbledore enters. 

_Know your stars... Know your stars... Know your stars... Know your stars... Dumbledore... is gay. _

Dumbledore: That's untrue. 

_Dumbledore, never knew he died in a Jelly Belly jelly beans parade. _

Dumbledore: I never died. 

_Dumbledore is in denial about dying. _

Dumbledore: I told you I never died. 

_Dumbledore's real name is Denial Jelly Bean. _

Dumbledore: I'm not in denial! 

_Now you know Denial Fish. _

Dumbledore is dragged out of the room as Mcgonagall enters. 

_Know your stars... Know your stars... Know your stars... Know your stars... Mcgonagall... is a lesbian. _

Mcgonagall: Excuse me? 

_Mcgonagall... thinks Dumbledore should have sex with her. _

Mcgonagall: Ok. What?! 

_Mcgonagall... is getting married to Voldemort in the next chapter. _

Mcgonagall: I would never! 

_Mcgonagall... she thinks everyone is gay._

Mcgonagall: I don't think anyone is gay!

_Mcgonagall... thinks everyone is lesbian. _

Mcgonagall: I didn't say that. 

_Mcgonagall... hates the students of Hogwarts._

Mcgonagall: That's not true!

_Mcgonagall... please stop lying. _

Mcgonagall: I'm not!! You are!! 

_Now you know Mcgonagall. _

Mcgonagall: They don't know me!!!!!!!

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Please review. Tell me who you want next! 


	8. Remus J Lupin and Luna Lovegood

Know Your Stars: HP Style!

I don't own Harry Potter or Know Your Stars!

WARNING: THERE IS GOING TO BE ANIME/MANGA CHARACTERS COMING IN FROM RANDOM ANIME/MANGA'S!

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Ok! Here are the votes:

Remus J. Lupin: 2

Luna 'Looney' Lovegood: 2

Sirius Black: 1

Neville: 1

Voldemort/Mcgonagall wedding: 1

So I guess I have to do... Lupin and Luna! The V/M wedding will be in the next chapter, Sirius and Neville will be in the next chapter as well!

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Victim #1: Luna 'Looney' Lovegood!

_Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars... know your stars... Luna Lovegood... she wants to marry Naruto from the Anime/Manga 'Naruto'. _

Luna: Who is this 'Naruto'? 

Yellow smoke appears and Naruto from 'Naruto' came out of the smoke.

Naruto: Believe it!

_Luna Lovegood... is getting married to Naruto after the Voldemort/Mcgonagall wedding. _

Luna: When I find you... 

Naruto: Come on... you are kinda cuter than Sakura. BELIEVE IT!

Luna: Oh hell.

_Naruto... get away from Luna. _

Naruto: But she's cooler than Sakura. 

_Ok. Now you know Luna Lovegood, who is getting married to Naruto after the M/V wedding. _

Naruto: BELIEVE IT! 

Naruto and Luna leave. Naruto goes to the Crazy House until the next chapter. Lupin comes in and sits down.

_Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars... know your stars... Lupin... wants to get married to Kakashi Hatake from Naruto._

Lupin: Who's Kakashi Hatake?

Kakashi is brought in by security.

_Hey Kakashi..._

Kakashi: What?

_Lupin here wants to marry you._

Kakashi walks up in front of Lupin.

Kakashi: Sorry, I'm not gay.

Kakashi leaves reading his book.

Lupin: I never said that!

_Yes you did._

Tape recorder: (In Lupins' voice) I always wanted to marry Kakashi Hatake from Naruto.

_See?_

Lupin: That wasn't even me! You paid someone to say that, then you called me in the middle of the night asking me what I would never say in my life.

_No I didn't._

Lupin: ...

_See? Admitting that your in denial is the first step to everything. Now back to your tormenting... Lupin... wants to marry Sasuke Uchiha and Itachi Uchiha from Naruto._

Lupin: Where do you get these lies?!

_I have my ways to finding dirt about the people I torture. Now you know, Lupin who is getting married to Sasuke and Itachi Uchiha in the next chapter._

Lupin: They don't know me! Those were all lies!

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Please review to tell me what you think! Please review! 


	9. WEDDINGS!

Know Your Stars: HP Style!

I don't own any book or anime or manga.

Sorry for not updating. I have had school and work to do. So, sorry for not updating. Oh, and I might complete this story in this chapter or the next. I'm sorry. Enjoy this chapter.

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Mcgongall and Voldemort walked into the studio wearing all black. The announcer was about to laugh really hard, but cleared his throat.

_"Do you Mcgongall, take Waldemart over there to be your husband?"_

"My name's not 'Waldemart'!" Voldemort shouted.

"If this is just a nightmare, yes of course." Mcgonagall said.

_"Do you, Waldemart, take Mcgonagall as your wife and to promise that Walmart will always have low prices?"_

"Fine." Voldemort said.

_"I now prononce you... man and wife."_

Voldemort and Mcgonagall left as Luna and Naruto entered the room. Luna and Naruto were wearing their usual outfits.

_"Do you Luna Lovegood, take ramen boy over there to be your husband?"_

"If this is over in the next minute or so, then yeah." Luna said.

_"Do you Naruto Uzumaki, take the anger-issued woman over there to be your wife?"_

"BELIEVE IT!!" Naruto shouted.

_"I now pronounce you man and wife."_

Naruto kissed Luna on the lips. Luna slapped Naruto. Luna and Naruto left as Lupin, Kakashi, Sasuke and Itachi come in. Itachi and Sasuke are wearing pure black and Kakashi and Lupin were wearing their usual outfits.

_"Do you Kakashi, Lupin, Sasuke and Itachi want to be married to each other?"_

"I don't care." Itachi and Sasuke said.

"Fine." Lupin said.

"Whatever." Kakashi said, reading his book.

_"I now pronounce you... man, man, Emo and he/she."_

"Whatever." Kakashi, Lupin, Sasuke and Itachi said.

Kakashi, Lupin, Sasuke and Itachi left as Neville came in.

""So, you're Neville, eh?"

"Yes. I am Neville."

_"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..."_

"Wait a second... Nevermind." Neville said.

_"Neville Longbottom... wants to join the Death Eaters and take over Hogwarts."_

"W-What?" Neville asked.

_"Neville Longbottom... loves to kill people and blame Harry."_Neville fainted.

_"That was too easy."  
_

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Please review! Oh, and tell me if I should complete the story now or should I end it in the next chapter. If you want me to end this story in the next chapter, I will make the next chapter extremely long, funny, and random. Please review.


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